


Recovery

by AlexIsMyBirdsName



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-01-06 08:07:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21223322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexIsMyBirdsName/pseuds/AlexIsMyBirdsName
Summary: Tim's recovering. It's a slow but sure process.





	1. It's A Process

It wasn't perfect, but he was making progress, and that's something. Tim has spent the last few months working tirelessly on this old cabin he found in Tennesse. He hadn't had anywhere to stay since fleeing Alabama from the eldritch horror that terrorizes his life. He knew he couldn't stay anywhere near the places where his old friends took their last breaths. He remembers saying goodbye to Jessica for a final time before being on the road for days, having no idea what he's supposed to do. He thought about motel hopping just like he and Jay used to do, but the thought of laying alone in a motel bed without Jay pressed snuggly against his back, desperately trying to leech the heat off Tim was too much for him to handle. He decides to drive for however long he needs to get his thoughts together.

He comes across a cabin by a stroke of shocking luck. After weeks on the road, he can't take sitting in his lonely car for one more second. Tim decides to follow a random gravel road he comes across, hoping to find an abandoned lot to stargaze in. He's shocked to come across a cabin that clearly hasn't been used in many years but looks to be in decent enough condition to sleep in. Searching around the rooms he comes across a bedroom with a king-sized bed covered with many soft warm blankets and knows he'd much rather spend the night here than in his car again. He doesn't sleep soundly but he still feels much better in the morning then he has in a while. He debates just getting back in his car and continue running from his demons but.....he's tired of running and he knows that isn't the kind of life Brian and Jay would want from him. 

Maybe this cabin could even be a home?


	2. Settling In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim never thought he'd have a home again after the hell he's endured the past few years, but he feels almost cozy in this little cabin. All ne needs to do now is settle in.

Tim never thought he'd have a home again after the hell he's endured the past few years, but he feels almost cozy in this little cabin. The morning after he found the cabin he was awoken to the sounds of birds chirping and insects buzzing, it caused a sense of calm to rush over him. He figures if he's staying here long term he might as well try to make himself comfortable, but first, and more important then his comfort, is his morning cigarette and a pot of coffee. 

He drowsily drags himself to the kitchen to see if maybe the last owners had left coffee beans and a coffee pot behind when they left? No, of course they didn't. He wouldn't be that lucky. Now drowsy and peeved he drags himself to his car to grab his packet of cigs and instant coffee. Instant coffee nowhere near his favorite and to Tim, nothing beats a fresh, hot, pot of black coffee in the morning. Jay used to tease him all the time for being able to handle the taste cigarettes, but not instant- Tim quickly shakes off that thought, he finds it too painful to dwell on Jay these days.

One cup of coffee and three cigarettes later Tim decides to make himself useful for the day. He is very naturally handy and should be able to fix up the rotting floorboards and broken back door by himself. All he needs to do is cut down a tree for wood and dig out his toolbox from the back of his truck and he should be good to go.

By late afternoon, he's making steady progress with the floorboards and has the backdoor fixed completely. He feels accomplished in his work and feels truly proud of himself for the first time in a long time. He knows he still has plenty to complete, he needs to decorate the bedroom so it can feel more like his home, he would love to start a small vegetable garden out back, and most importantly he needs a coffee maker, but for now, this cabin is perfect for him. "Maybe solitude and no one trying to murder me or shove a camera in my face are what I need most right now." Tim thinks to himself, feeling cozy and dare he say safe for the first time in months.


	3. Whoever Said Recovery Was Easy Is A Liar

SMASH!!  
The mirror breaks upon the impact of Tim punching it at full force. The logical part of him knows he needs to stop and take a breath, but he can’t.

CRASH!!  
Tim rips a picture of the wall and screams. Everythings fine? What a fucking joke.

CLATTER!!  
He throws his ashtray putting a dent in the wall. He’s alone,  
alonealonealonealonealonealonealonealonealonealonealonealonealone

THUMP!!  
While pacing Tim falls over his comforter that he threw off his bed in anger. The impact of his fall startles him out of his sadness-filled rage and for a while, he just sits, in a curled up ball on the floor.  
He’s not fine, he hasn’t been fine since he left Alabama, but what he’s learnt through all of this is he’s an amazing liar, he’s even good at lying to himself.   
He doesn’t deserve this cabin, he doesn’t deserve to feel safe or happy, not after what he did to Alex, or Brian, or Jay. 

He never liked Alex. He’s not going to pretend like he did. Alex took all his rage out on Tim during filming, he thinks he can remember a few times where Alex hurled insults at Jay and Brian as well. “He deserved what happened to him.” a nasty part of his brain says, but Tim knows better. Alex Kralie the film director was a good person. He saw him with Amy a few time how he smiled and held her tenderly. How he dropped everything to help Brian study for exams after Brian forgot them. He even saw him give Jay the shirt off his back after Jay fell in the pond that one time. No, even if they never got along Alex was not a monster. 

Brian was a completely different story from Alex. Tim loved Brian more then the world itself and Brian felt the same. They started going out only week’s after they met and exchanged “I love you” quickly after. Brian was the light in Tim’s life. They spent ever waking moment together. They talked about getting married and having kids one day. Brian wanted a beach wedding and three kids, just like Tim has always wanted. Tim was convinced Brian was his soulmate. He could never believe their fairytale would end with Brian slowly dying from injuries Tim indirectly caused. He wishes he had just taken his mask off WHY hadn’t he taken the mask off?? Maybe he couldn’t bear to look into the face of the person who released Jay and lead him to his death. That’s the only thing he can think of. 

Jay, who he fell in love with a lot slower then Brian, hell he didn’t even know he loved Jay until they were attacked at Alex’s house. Jay wasn’t like Brian at all but that was okay. Jay wasn’t as charming or outwardly affectionate as Brian but, those were the things Tim loved about Jay. He remembers thinking how adorable it was when Jay stumbled over his words or how easily he got flustered. Even though Jay was never all over him with hugs and kisses with like Brian was Jay had his own way of showing love. Jay would make him coffee every morning, pull the covers back over Tim after he kicked the covers off during the night, check to make sure he took his medicine every day. They never talked about the future, they never thought there would be a future after everything (Which was correct for one) but they did talk about the past. Tim never liked talking about his past because it hurts but with Jay he felt safe. He was able to tell Jay everything about his childhood, the hospital, the fear he was constantly in, without feeling overwhelmed or uncomfortable. 

Brian helped him envision his future, while Jay helped him come to terms with the past. 

Tim curls tighter into himself on the floor trying desperately to stop the memories of all his dead friends. He misses all of them, even Alex. He doesn’t know what to do. He just wants to crawl back into his truck and drive forever. He never wants to stop and have to think about all this shit. 

He forces himself off the floor and grabs his car keys ready to run once again, but he stops. 

Is this what they’d want? After everything he’s done he owes it to them to live a good life. He needs to live for all of them now. Jay and Bran knew how much he wanted to settle down and always encouraged him. Something tells him even Alex wouldn’t want him to run anymore, Alex would want him to move on with his life and not given to his negative feelings like Alex had. 

He takes a shaky breath and lays the keys down. He can do this, even if it won’t be easy, he can do this.

Tim lays down in his bed and tries to get his breathing more steady. He’s mentally exhausted and needs rest now but decides in the morning he’ll try to find a support group or therapist he can confide in. He falls asleep with one phrase floating around his head “I can do this.”.


	4. The Progress Of Tim Wright

Tim sits frozen in the car looking at the therapist's office in front of him. What was he thinking? He can't do this. What will he even say? "Hey, I and my friends were stalked by my childhood hallucination, two of my boyfriends died indirectly from my actions, and I had to murder my college friend after he spent the last five years trying to kill me. No, I have no evidence of this because their bodies disappeared." Nobody would believe him. He's five seconds from turning around and driving back to his cabin (that he's made considerable progress in the last few weeks) when he remembers a conversation he had with Brian long ago. 

He was having a terrible day with his anxiety and couldn't calm down. He was so scared, even with Brian holding him and giving him words of support. Brian had encouraged him to see a therapist and Tim even considered it for a while. "Therapy isn't scary! Once you find a good therapist you'll be able to work out some coping mechanisms that could be really useful in the long term. I'll go with you if you're nervous! I could benefit from therapy too!" Brian's words ring in his ears as he slowly inches himself out of the car. He may hate every minute of this but he'll do it for Jay and Brian. 

The inside of the office is empty and smells like cheap air freshener Tim notes as he sits in the slightly uncomfortable seat waiting to be called back. Not even five minutes after he sat down an older woman comes out from her office and introduces herself as the therapist. She seems friendly enough and Tim feels slightly better as she calls him back into her office. 

An hour later Tim comes out of her office tightly clutching a journal she gave him to document his thoughts on. Brian was right when he suggested therapy, even if he had to lie hard in there it did feel nice to somewhat talk about everything that happened. He didn't feel judged or rushed, he felt supported by someone who truly wants to help him. She suggested Tim join a support group for people that have gone through loss that meet everyone Saturday. He's not sure if he'll end up joining but he'll consider it. It would be nice to have someone to vent to that understood what he was going through. According to the therapist, it's not all talking about dead loved ones, it's about building a support system around yourself. They even have group activities every other meeting that Tim possibly wants to participate in. He may at least attend one meeting and see how he feels. 

Tim goes back to his car emotionally drained but content knowing how proud Brian and Jay would be. He's almost excited to write his first journal entry as he heads back home.


End file.
